Where Are My Cherries?

I am struggling today.  I'm struggling with a torrent of thoughts running around inside my head, and trying to sort through them logically.  Not that I want to be logical, necessarily.  I find it highly over-rated and well, it's not me really.  I am one of the least logical people I know.  Logic and me, we're a world apart.  I don't get it, or get people who are, they are not 'my people'.   More inclined to be ruled by my emotions, heart, and instincts.  I am what my Grandmother used to describe me as, 'a hothouse flower'.  I blossom when I'm watered and tendered to with loving care, but put me outside to brave the elements and the unpredictability of life, and I might just wither away. 
I know the peaks and troughs of life, make me stronger ultimately, that they are what have made me that person that I am, but I do wish I felt as though I was on a peak rather then a trough right now.

Blogging when I'm down is very much against my nature, it totally goes against the grain, which is why I'm doing it.  I have a need to keep it real, to be honest with myself and to try to keep the doors open.  Doors that I so often close, doors that keep the world out and me safe and sound inside.  Ultimately I will always be a private person, (this makes me laugh when I so often blog to one and all), but really its true.  I find it very difficult to let people in.  It's almost like exposing my insides.  It's scary, it's painful and it sends me into a pure blind panic.  So today, here and now, I'm pushing my boundaries, experiencing the uncomfortable, the taboo, because life is a challenge - right?  If we don't push ourselves to our limits, then who will? 

I won't go into the whys or wherefores, because the details don't matter.   I can tell you that today, I'm struggling.  The clear blue sea that I love so much, seems misty and dull, the sky feels overcast, and I feel cold.  I have a hundred and one rambling thoughts bubbling away just under the surface, and I'm trying very hard to rationally deal with them all, in the most logical way that I can.  

Today for the first time ever, I picked up my camera, and then put it down again.  Not even my love for capturing the beauty in something lifted me.  Not for a flicker of a second.  I know that tomorrow I'll probably be fine.  I might have answered some of my questions by then. I might have hugged my children. I might have had some well needed sleep.  I might have felt someone elses pain, and I might have managed to unload my heavy heart just a little bit. 

But, I can't post this with no pictures, and I do want to end it with something beautiful, so I will.  Here are some pictures of some very special people, who I know I am blessed to know.  They are not new pictures, they are not todays, but I have had fun with some new effects that I have enjoyed playing with.  I hope you like them, and I hope you forgive me my 'Eeyore moment'.  My next blog will be a happy one, I promise you that!

These effects are simply called 'seventies'.

And this one is 'colorized'

Seriously, I know you probably won't believe it...but I'm feeling better already! :)  I'm just looking forward to another bowl of cherries.

DreamWorld Baby!

We're building up for David being away again for quite a while.  6 weeks is a long time in an 8yr old and 4yr olds life.  They feel as though there is no light at the end of the tunnel, or that the light is so far away they will never reach it.  We like to do silly little things to make it a little more bearable.  One of which is a freddo frog a day.  David fills two containers full of them, with their names on them, and they get to eat one for each day he's gone.  That way, they can see the pile getting smaller as the days go on and they get a 'Daddy treat' at the same time.   We also have Skype set up, and try to speak to him the same time most days/nights depending on where he is in the world.  Even if its just for a few minutes, it helps.  We also try to take the little ones out somewhere fun and just for them, on his last week.

This time it was DreamWorld, the Bright Lights, Big City of all little people...and where the world is full of Wiggles, Spongebob and brightly coloured SnoKones....

And where you can ride the carousel as many times as you'd like..

All the while, pretending to be way too cool for it....

When really you're lovin it just as much as they are...

It's a place where, anything is possible, including riding giant blues clues  that go up and down, around and around...

It's a place where little girls can have extra cuddles with their Daddy..

And where you can expect the unexpected..

Nothing more unexpected then David pushing the stroller, hehee!

It's a place where small boys convince their Mothers to go on big scary rides that they are far too old for..

Yeah, that was a little intense!

It's where you can get a little confused....

It's where you can buy buckets of fairy-floss...

And then, lick the sticky pink sugar off your fingers....

While getting just as much of it on the outside, as on the inside...

And where little girls dance by the water fountains,

And sit next to Koalas.

It's a fun filled, happy, sunny and chilled place to be...It's DreamWorld Baby!!

Even Puff  (the magic dragon)  had a blast...

Bye bye for now.....we'll be seeing you, shortly! :)

The Eyes Have It

My boy Joe, that's how I think of him, My Boy Joe.  Even when I'm saying Joey, Joseph, or just Joe..in my head, he's always My Boy Joe.  He's like a creamy, melty, soft, yummy toffee.  He smells of warm clean woollen socks, he looks like an overgrown Labrador Puppy and he has the sensitivity of somebody well beyond his years.  He's a thinker, a worrier and our little Professor.  I can't describe my overwhelming protectiveness towards him and when he's sad, there are shadows in my heart.  He doesn't really get upset or sad about the usual 8yr old stuff.  He gets sad about the world, and about people in it who don't care like he does.  He wants to stop and change all the misery and suffering and he truly believes that one day he will.  If ever I believed in anyone, it's him.  In reality, of course I realise that it's not possible to make all things Unicorns and Rainbows, but I love that this is his ideal.  That this is what he is reaching for. 

From the moment that he was placed in my arms, I melted.  I think I will always think this about My Boy Joe. I remember gazing at his innocent wide open face with my nose, my smaller features, his Daddys expressions and exclaiming at his eyelashes.  I had never seen eyelashes like his before.  Golden blonde at the top and dark at the tips.  Surely it would be the other way around, it was really sweetly strange.  He still has them and when he looks down, they remind me of  sticks on a beach.  Sandy at the top with the striking darker colour at the ends. Little sand-dunes.  Lovely thick multi-coloured lashes, has My Boy Joe!

And as if that wasn't gorgeous enough, he also has the most beautiful eyes that I've ever seen in an eight year old called My Boy Joe.

My little fluffy overgrown Labrador boy with the weight of the world on his very small over grown Puppy dog shoulders, and his very serious expressions.  He is happy most of the time, I promise! ;)

I hope that in twenty years, they'll still be there, those sandy/dark tipped lashes, that are so much a part of  My Boy Joe!

THE WOODS IN OZ: Seventeen Sweet Months!

THE WOODS IN OZ: Seventeen Sweet Months!: "That's how long my little Doll has been in my arms. And, literally - that's pretty much the way it's been. My little look-alike has been g..."

Seventeen Sweet Months!

That's how long my little Doll has been in my arms.  And, literally - that's pretty much the way it's been.  My little look-alike has been glued to me from the moment she was placed into them.  She and I, we're a team.  She's happier now then she was, to spend up to 20 minutes at a time away from my side, but that's about as long as she'll go before she comes toddling over to me, for some more 'dat dat'.  Or just to to be picked up, to  lay her sweet soft curls on my shoulder for a moment or two,  and to feel safe and secure in her position of Mamas little shadow.   She's determined, stubborn, happy, funny, crazy, kooky, emotional and sweet all rolled into one.  She has a low husky little laugh that is extremely infectious and a little crooked smile, just as I used to have as a child. 
She's not me though, she's more confident, more goofy,  more chilled and I'm so very glad of that.  I hope that as the years roll by, I can continue to make her feel safe, all the while giving her the confidence to be who she is,  and who she will become.  It's like watching a beautiful portrait being painted before my eyes...each day is a new brush stroke, a fresh streak of light, a different shading, another detail added.  It's amazing.  She's amazing.

Such a busy little Bee she was in the garden today.  She loves the feel of the grains of sand between her fingers, and mixing it up in her bucket.

Why can't time be kept hold of just a little longer?  Why is it so bitter-sweet to watch my last little one become less and less of a baby every day?

I'm so proud of you little one, I'm so very thankful to have you in my life.  I'm so very grateful to be your Mummy.  You are my little wonder baby Lucy, and I just hope that I can let go of you gracefully, one day!

Just one more....Freddo Frog

Something I hear often during the day.  When she's sad, when she falls over, when she misses her Daddy or just when it feels like the 'right' time.  Just one more Freddo Frog, please.  You see, the constant and ongoing food battle is something that I come across in my world every day.  Teaching them to eat better and to choose the healthier options. It's not always easy but it's part of my job, or that's how I see it.  And sometimes, now and then, they are allowed a few vices, just like the rest of us!

  My kids have had their favourite treats over the years, and it's depended on where they are in the world.  In England it's Cadburys milk chocolate buttons, in the States its Milky Ways Little Stars and in Oz, it's Freddo Frogs.  I guess they really love their chocolate!  Poppy in particular, has a passion for them and I actually have to limit her intake, or she'd probably live on them.  Nom Nom Nom!!

Today as usual, I heard the familiar.. 'Oh Mummy, just one Freddo Frog, please'....and who could resist that sweet little angelic face, with all that naughtiness hidden behind it? Obviously not me...

It amuses me, watching her eat one of these, and all the expressions of pure delight in that transparent little face!

Ahh, Heaven in the shape of a small brown frog with a silly name!

And who is this with a Freddo in their grubby little hands?

Ahh, she's learning from her big Sister..

Although I think she might need a few lessons in unwrapping it first!

Biff in the Burbs

This is our second year of attending Biff in the Burbs, and it's just such a fun evening for the kids. Free outdoor cinema, popcorn, and a bouncy castle.   This year it was at our old stomping ground, the Brookfield Showground and Ice Age 3 was playing.  Huge picnic blankets were spread on the ground, yummy food was shared and passed around and kids were snuggled under blankets. 

My lovely friend Vanessa and I drove down there in convoy, dropping David off at the busstop on his way to Brissie to watch the Broncos, with my lovely friend Vanessas equally lovely Hubby, Gerard.  Hope they find their way home from the pub ok.....Mmm, maybe, I should have slipped the directions for the way home into his pocket...

I wasn't surprised when I had to leave an hour before the others....there's only so much fun a 17mth can take - and Lucy had come to the end of hers after a little while.  She did love racing around with the bigger kids though, and trying to sneak her way onto the bouncy castle when nobody was looking.

All tucked up in their beds now, and my lovely Daisy-Woo has just walked in the door, after her Yr 7 Canberra trip.  She's been talking non-stop since she flopped herself down on the sofa, and her voice is almost gone now, so I've packed her off to bed.  Night night crazy ditsy blonde girl of mine, sweet dreams! Night night tired sleepy little ones...sleep well and give your Mama a lovely lie-in will you please?