Two

On this day two years ago, I held my last baby for the first time.  On this day two years ago, I laughed, I cried and I stared at the tiny new person in my arms, unable to look away for a second.  I barely slept for the first week, not because I was exhausted, but because I couldn't tear myself away from her.  A tiny little ball all curled up and so dependant.  Those milky lips, soft peachy skin and fine dark downy hair.  I can still hear the little mewing sounds that she made, still feel the warmth of her small weighted little body and still smell her sweet pink cheeks.  Each memory is startlingly vivid, the details so etched into my mind that I feel I can almost run my fingers over them.  Slight panic sets in when I allow myself to think back and relive the first moments, my only way of recapturing them now, in my mind.  

She's two. This tiny new little person has been here to gaze upon for two whole years.  How fast that time went and how very here and present she is now.  Was there ever a time that we didn't have her, hold her, tickle her, teach her, rejoice in her and comfort her.  All of her firsts, her precious little milestones are slipping through my fingers.  I can't keep a hold of them and it makes me want to grab onto her and never let go.  If the last few years are anything to go by, I'll wake up tomorrow and she'll be moving out, going to collage, too big to fit into my lap.  

She woke up this morning, in her new 'big girl bed' and still sleepy and warm, opened her presents with her family who love her to the moon and back again. 

I watched her as she played and I tried to memorise each tiny thing she did.   Another milestone slipped through my grasp and I had to reconcile myself with the fact that I will always have these memories.  She's getting older and I have to make myself ok with that.  I have to look at the here and now and not let the present pass me by because I'm mourning the past. 

The bottom line is, I guess I know why I ended up with seven children, quite simply, I love being a Mother.  And this little sweetheart really was the cherry on top of my cake. 

So much I learnt from her today.  That she loves to sing Happy Birthday 24/7, that she likes new clothes a lot, that she's obsessed with shoes (thank you Jodi xx), that she is one of those fab kids that you can take into a toy shop and come out with nothing, and she's still all smiles, and that she adores 'hedge-hegs'. 

She's Two.  She's growing up into a wonderful special little girl.  But she's still my baby, and she and I have more then one connection. 

Happy Birthday my little Lulu! xx

Don't Stop The Dance

.....or maybe in the words of Bryan Ferry! I think though, he has a point.  

My little one didn't want to stop either after her ballet class yesterday afternoon.  She danced like a crazy chic all through the lesson. She danced to the car. And then when we got home, she carried on dancing.   I watched her sweet expressions, the concentration on her face, her spiral curls escaping from their pins and couldn't help but feel total overwhelming love for this little 5yr old. 

There was a time when I danced for hours every day.  It was my life, for a while.  I have all the ballet memories that a young girl could wish for and when it stopped, I guess I thought that would be that.  Now I watch my daughter love to dance as I once did and it's bitter-sweet, reminding me of times that were both joyful and sad.  Not one though for ever living vicariously through my children, I'm happy to see where the wind takes her - just because she is her own little self.

I do wonder if it will take her along similar paths to some of my friends from long ago.  Sweet Ruth, who still dances like an angel and Joanne, who we all knew always would.  I can't know what the world holds for my girl, but I'm glad that for now...she just wants to do what makes her happy, what makes her heart sing.

And then sometimes, it's nice just to be still for a while.

"To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking." ~Agnes De Mille

Header template and storyboard template are courtesy ofwww.templates-for-photographers.com They are a fantastic company that I now have the pleasure of working with.  

Little Green Chair

It's been heavy, heavy heavy here lately.  So many decisions, so many things weighing on our hearts.  And with no real bright light appearing at the end of the tunnel just yet, I've been trying to create my own light.  And it doesn't matter how dim the light or how small the spark, because with a bit of nurturing and tending, it can become a roaring fire in no time.
So I'm not panicking about life.  I'm not sweating the big stuff, the scary stuff, I'd rather just keep on blowing those sparks and seeing where it takes me.

Today it took me to the most fun photo-shoot I've ever done.  Fun because I had a willing subject, and fun because I love spending time with this little one.  She was off to a school camp soon after this, and I treasured the time that we spent together, knowing that one of my little fires would be glowing slightly dimmer without her around for a few days.

She had me in giggles, as I followed her skinny legs hauling my beloved chair to the trees with it over her back, like a little turtle.  Oh the things that we do for art! I think she gets it though, she doesn't roll her eyes at my 'ideas' quite as much as the others!

My sentimental lovely green chair is now back in Lucys room, where it lives and where it will stay for a while.  I don't own any possession, (apart from my camera), that I love more then I do my sweet Grandpas chair.  I wonder if somewhere, somehow, he sees how I love it, and what he would think of the little angel who sat upon it with her curly dark hair and her old fashioned smile.  And that right there is another little light of a memory to keep me fueled for the rest of the day!

Reunited!

Chickens and kids, Kids and Chooks - together again for a few hours today.  Scampering feet, little hungry mouths and squawking - and I wasn't describing the hens.  Libby was in 'chicken heaven' with our birds and my friend Kathys birds combined...she hung out with them while we sipped coffee, chatted and I of course, took my usual million pictures!

  And I gotta say, Kathy is one of the most chilled out and just super nice people to be around.  Nothing fazes her, not Vanessas wicked stories, my zooming in and out in front of her face with my camera, (well not really - I used a prime lens), or my kid whipping her clothes off and jumping in her pool on a whim.  She always manages to bring out some wonderful baked good and she's a great listener.  I hope that she knows that even though I have my face behind my Canon baby most of the time, I am actually listening to her too! ;)

I managed to step away from the camera for a few minutes, but not before my mate Vanessa had it pointed at me!  And you know what?  After the initial shock and my usual natural reaction of trying to run from the lens as fast as I can - I was actually quite pleased to have a few pictures of Lulu and I together - it's not like its a common occurrence!

Mmm, she's quite handy with the camera.  Not to self;  Take Vanessa everywhere with me from now on, so that I will have reminders one day that I was actually there, every step of the way...

And, this is her....she'll love me for this! Mwaaa haaa haaaaa!!!

Ahhh yes, revenge is SWEET!!! I'll getcha next time Kathy! ;)

And my lovely Libby had such a nice time, that she woke up asking if we could go and hang out with friends there again today, tomorrow and every day after that...you up for it Kathy?

Cheers to friends! xx

Nine Again

Just a quiet small blog this weekend, because it's been a quiet kind of a few days.

Friday was a good day.  Libby and Barny came home, after almost 7 weeks in the UK.

Lucy put on her shoes and sat by the door about 30 mins before we were ready to leave, she was so excited to be going to see her Brother and Sister.

 It was really good to see them both again.

Our open house wasn't as open as we'd like - in fact, not a soul came, not one tiny little person.  Bit gutted,  but we still managed to look on the bright side - a spotless and sparkling house, leaving us free to enjoy the remainder of our Saturday and most of Sunday just chilling out.  Ahhh, relax....

And then there was the pool...not sure what we'd do without it.   In the aftermath of Cyclone Yasi, I can't begin to describe how ridiculously humid it is here.  I feel as though I'm living in a caravan that's surrounded by a swamp.  The air feels thick and heavy with water, the kids walk around with beads of sweat on their foreheads, the little girls curls have coiled up even tighter, if that's possible and the temperature is barely dropping now even at night. 

Oh well, at least my garden is looking nice :)

Changes

 It's been a funny old week, a constant swing between tidying and cleaning our house ready for our 'Open' on Saturday, and school runs.   It's certainly no small feat keeping the place clutter free with so many smallies running around and I'm not sure how I'm going to find the energy to do this each week but somehow I know, I will.

But seriously, house tidying is not exciting if you're only 8.  A few hours at the park was long overdue, and we headed there whilst our house was being viewed.

And while some of the kids just weren't feelin it..

Others, lost themselves in their own little bubbles and enjoyed the freedom..

And just because we can (for the moment anyway), a play in the pool, when we got home. 

So for now, we're just making the most of what might be our last few months in this house that we have loved living in.