On this day two years ago, I held my last baby for the first time. On this day two years ago, I laughed, I cried and I stared at the tiny new person in my arms, unable to look away for a second. I barely slept for the first week, not because I was exhausted, but because I couldn't tear myself away from her. A tiny little ball all curled up and so dependant. Those milky lips, soft peachy skin and fine dark downy hair. I can still hear the little mewing sounds that she made, still feel the warmth of her small weighted little body and still smell her sweet pink cheeks. Each memory is startlingly vivid, the details so etched into my mind that I feel I can almost run my fingers over them. Slight panic sets in when I allow myself to think back and relive the first moments, my only way of recapturing them now, in my mind.
She's two. This tiny new little person has been here to gaze upon for two whole years. How fast that time went and how very here and present she is now. Was there ever a time that we didn't have her, hold her, tickle her, teach her, rejoice in her and comfort her. All of her firsts, her precious little milestones are slipping through my fingers. I can't keep a hold of them and it makes me want to grab onto her and never let go. If the last few years are anything to go by, I'll wake up tomorrow and she'll be moving out, going to collage, too big to fit into my lap.
She woke up this morning, in her new 'big girl bed' and still sleepy and warm, opened her presents with her family who love her to the moon and back again.
I watched her as she played and I tried to memorise each tiny thing she did. Another milestone slipped through my grasp and I had to reconcile myself with the fact that I will always have these memories. She's getting older and I have to make myself ok with that. I have to look at the here and now and not let the present pass me by because I'm mourning the past.
The bottom line is, I guess I know why I ended up with seven children, quite simply, I love being a Mother. And this little sweetheart really was the cherry on top of my cake.
So much I learnt from her today. That she loves to sing Happy Birthday 24/7, that she likes new clothes a lot, that she's obsessed with shoes (thank you Jodi xx), that she is one of those fab kids that you can take into a toy shop and come out with nothing, and she's still all smiles, and that she adores 'hedge-hegs'.
She's Two. She's growing up into a wonderful special little girl. But she's still my baby, and she and I have more then one connection.
Happy Birthday my little Lulu! xx