It's been on my mind lately. I haven't posted and I dislike 'unhealthy gaps'. I want to be consistent but my ongoing struggle to only want to post the positive, has created a void. Yesterday I decided I would post, come what may. So here we are and I'm feeling sick to my stomach with worry for my family but still I'm determined to create a happy post. It's actually not that difficult either, despite this being quite honestly the hardest December that I can remember.
A few days ago, whilst trying to hold back the emotions that were once again bubbling up to the surface, I mentioned to the world (in a facebook status), that I wished I could stop the pain, wished I could wrap my family up in cotton wool. My 'fix it' Husband decided to comment back, gently reminding me that we wouldn't enjoy the good times half as much if life were perfect all the time. That the great times were so much sweeter having weathered the storms. I didn't know whether to smack him or hug him for pointing this out to me. Even from his hospital bed, where he has been for 12 days and for the most part alone and scared, he is able to make perfect sense. And the piece of me that just wanted to wallow in self-pity and be allowed to do so, realised that there was no place in my world for that indulgent behavior.
That while I have this little face around, I absolutely cannot forget how lucky I am..
That while I have this child to laugh with, I can't be anything but grateful..
And these are just two of quite a few other reasons why I have to take a deep breath, gather myself together and take all that life throws my way.
Here is another one...
I'm not allowed to make a big deal out of this, (because she's a private little thing, this one) and wants nothing more then to be left out of the blogging equation right now...but it was her Birthday yesterday. My beautiful girl has been in my life for 16 years and Oh my goodness, she's made it so much richer, happier, greater. I can't think about it for too long, because I've shed enough tears this past week...so I'll gulp back a few more and post a couple of shots that we took together in South Bank on her special day.
And while I know I'll have the odd hiccup of 'woe is me' from time to time, or a moment of solitude that might release a tear drop or two - with this much specialness surrounding me, I can get through it. I don't have to go far to search for reasons to be glad that I'm on this earth or to wish to continue on my journey, come what may.