I am struggling today. I'm struggling with a torrent of thoughts running around inside my head, and trying to sort through them logically. Not that I want to be logical, necessarily. I find it highly over-rated and well, it's not me really. I am one of the least logical people I know. Logic and me, we're a world apart. I don't get it, or get people who are, they are not 'my people'. More inclined to be ruled by my emotions, heart, and instincts. I am what my Grandmother used to describe me as, 'a hothouse flower'. I blossom when I'm watered and tendered to with loving care, but put me outside to brave the elements and the unpredictability of life, and I might just wither away.
I know the peaks and troughs of life, make me stronger ultimately, that they are what have made me that person that I am, but I do wish I felt as though I was on a peak rather then a trough right now.
Blogging when I'm down is very much against my nature, it totally goes against the grain, which is why I'm doing it. I have a need to keep it real, to be honest with myself and to try to keep the doors open. Doors that I so often close, doors that keep the world out and me safe and sound inside. Ultimately I will always be a private person, (this makes me laugh when I so often blog to one and all), but really its true. I find it very difficult to let people in. It's almost like exposing my insides. It's scary, it's painful and it sends me into a pure blind panic. So today, here and now, I'm pushing my boundaries, experiencing the uncomfortable, the taboo, because life is a challenge - right? If we don't push ourselves to our limits, then who will?
I won't go into the whys or wherefores, because the details don't matter. I can tell you that today, I'm struggling. The clear blue sea that I love so much, seems misty and dull, the sky feels overcast, and I feel cold. I have a hundred and one rambling thoughts bubbling away just under the surface, and I'm trying very hard to rationally deal with them all, in the most logical way that I can.
Today for the first time ever, I picked up my camera, and then put it down again. Not even my love for capturing the beauty in something lifted me. Not for a flicker of a second. I know that tomorrow I'll probably be fine. I might have answered some of my questions by then. I might have hugged my children. I might have had some well needed sleep. I might have felt someone elses pain, and I might have managed to unload my heavy heart just a little bit.
But, I can't post this with no pictures, and I do want to end it with something beautiful, so I will. Here are some pictures of some very special people, who I know I am blessed to know. They are not new pictures, they are not todays, but I have had fun with some new effects that I have enjoyed playing with. I hope you like them, and I hope you forgive me my 'Eeyore moment'. My next blog will be a happy one, I promise you that!
These effects are simply called 'seventies'.
And this one is 'colorized'
Seriously, I know you probably won't believe it...but I'm feeling better already! :) I'm just looking forward to another bowl of cherries.
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