My Little Clown!

She is on the same path as her funny sister, but Lucy is a comedienne, a performer and a little clown.  She plays to her audience and if nobody is watching, that's fine - she just cracks herself up instead!  Even eating a snack seems to be a hilarious business, in Miss Lucy Woods world.   Stuffing her beloved grapes into her mouth, as the juice runs down her arms, and showing her hippo smile, which as you can see is quite something!

She's so full of cold this week, and even eating creates challenges. Not easy to breathe when your remaining airway is full of grapes and brownies...but nothing gets this girlie down for long..and she's happiest of all when she's making everyone else laugh.  She doesn't have to try, she's just naturally sunny and bright and my little surprise cherry on top of my family cake!

My Somewhere Special!

We all have our supports, our vices, our interests, and I wanted to share with you one of mine.  Now I know I'm kind of putting myself on the line here, and I hope that I don't come across as some sort of geeky mad lady, because, I'm pretty far from that in reality.   There is a place (yes, online, gasp), that I go to that is very special to me.  It's so much more then a forum, it's a place of sanity, a sanctuary in a way.  It was over 4 years ago that I stumbled across it, and it's been like finding an oasis in a desert.   It's a wonderful company that design and produce baby bags, and so much more.  The bags are great,  better then any I have ever used, and I won't go into that, because it's not what this post is about.  It's the Company that is so special.  When I first joined the forum years ago, I had no clue that I'd meet so many amazing people, that I would still be in touch with them years afterwards, or that I would feel as though the owners of the Company, were more like family friends.

After moving around the world so much, it's been so nice to go to the same familiar happy place, where I know  my friends are waiting to hang out, listen, laugh, cry and support eachother.  Some of these ladies, I have had the pleasure to meet and know pretty well, others, I just 'know'.  We just get eachother.  The forum is massive now.  Who knew all that time ago, when there were just a few of us? I think everyone, Joe, Kristin and Rachelle included, are amazed at where this journey has taken them.   The women who log on, range from stay at home Mums, to professionals, we are all different and we all have one thing in common.  Our love for the people who created the Company, and their products.  Honestly, we don't chat about bags all day, (as nice as they are), but it's a place where you can go to get wonderful advice about just about anything you could imagine...  I'm lucky enough to moderate on the boards, and it's been a real pleasure and a privilege.   It's my hobby, it's my little bit of 'me time' when David is away, and it's late at night, and I'm pulling my hair out over one thing or another.   They are my friends.  True friends, not virtual.  These are honest to goodness, salt of the earth, loving, sweet and real people who you know will be there for you night or day - and they often have been.  Women who rally round, who go above and beyond to make your day just that little bit lighter when you are struggling.
 So this is a section in my blog for all of you.  To my PL friends, to Joe, Kristin, and Rachelle - thank you so much.   The Pink Room has been one of the best investments of my life, time-wise, and I wouldn't trade a moment of it.

Sweet and Simple

Life isn't always about big moments, spectacular memories full of fireworks and all things sparkly.  Sometimes we come across a sweet little piece of time, a moment in the void of life that just makes us smile.  We can't help but smile.  Deep down, I feel that these moments are what make up the quilt of life.  They are little snippets of calmness, that warm your heart and make everything OK.  My snatched moments with each of my children, make me feel worthy to live in this world.  Make me feel as though I am in the right place, at exactly the right time.  For me, the fireworks, the sparkly stuff, the unicorns, fade in comparison to moments like this.  Moments like 'carrots and Joe'.  From his blonde eyelashes, dark at the tips, and the fluffy down still on his cheeks, to the complete concentration on his sweet face.  This is what ROCKS my world!

Angel Face!

Living in Oz, means that I am half a world away from my family and that's something that makes me sad.  It niggles at me every day.  My sisters text me all the time (thank goodness for iPhones), which is a help, but I want to be there...I want to be creating memories with them, watching our kids grow up together and just being with them.  So that part of my life is on hold, and there is no changing that from this distance.   So I'm posting these pictures of my gorgeous Nephew, Jack.  I have never met him in real life, despite the fact that Kate and I shared the same due date and our beautiful babies were born within 6 days of eachother.  He truly has the face of an angel and is just about one of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen....no surprise really, since he looks just like his Mama!


These were taken by Piers, Jacks lovely Daddy!

I LOVE you Jack Jack! xx

 

Feeling the Pinch

David left for Madrid on Friday morning and made his merry way over there, via Singapore and London.  You would think that after  almost 13yrs of life together, I would be used to this by now, and not let it affect me too much.  I am on my own for a while, and I'm feeling the pinch, both financially and emotionally!

Well, I am used to the fact that he disappears now and then, flits in and out of our lives and earns a good crust, relatively!   But, really I know I'll never 'get used' to feeling sad when he starts counting down the week before he goes, shops for the extra items he needs when we separate (toothpaste, etc) and puts his cases on our big bed as he organizes what he needs to take and then packs them!  Then he's taking the kids aside, one by one, having 'little chats' with them when he thinks I can't hear.  Reminding them to be good, asking for their help while he's away so that I'm not stressed.  He sits with the babies for a few minutes longer then usual, telling him he loves them, trying to reassure them that it will be ok, that he'll be back, and they don't need to worry.  He makes light of it, but I can see from Poppy's face, big round saucer eyes, and trembling bottom lip, that she knows exactly what is coming.  
Then he's at the door, I smile and make some sort of joke, it's fine, it's all fine.  He knows I'll be ok, as usual, but as he walks away from me towards the car, I already feel emptier.  My best friend is leaving and I won't see him for a month.  I won't have the support that I find so vital in a large house with 7 children of all ages, and I won't see his tired face walk in at the end of the day, after missing lunch, coffee breaks because he hasn't had one second to himself...

The first few days are ok and in some ways it's nice to be able to run the house exactly as I like it, not have anybody else to answer to and just be 'still' in my own space.  It doesn't take long before I've had enough of my own space, and I'm wishing he were home, wishing I was picking up his dirty clothes from the floor where he leaves them, wishing I was holding my hand over his mouth so that I don't have to hear his dreadful singing, wishing that he was sitting beside me watching a movie and interrupting it ever few seconds with his irritating running commentary, wishing I wasn't doing this alone again....Oh well! 

My 'to do' checklist for the weekend has almost been completed, and with the help of a very special little lady, I have been able to keep organized.  My sweet Gabs goes a long way towards helping me stay sane, and I feel lucky everyday, for the help that she gives me. Something almost ethereal and unrealistic about this darling child, you'll know what I mean, if you've ever met her.

Yesterday the smaller kids and I hung out at the park, until it grew dark.  So nice to just watch them play with no cares, no worries, and to take their mind off the fact that their Daddy won't be walking in through the door tonight...

So as my first weekend without David comes to an end, I can feel relieved that we survived it without any major dramas.  I can keep feeling the pinch, and I will - but it will just hum away in the background, where I will keep it, until he comes home! 

Not Perfect.

One thing I do know about raising teens, is that it's not easy.  It's harder mentally then I could have imagined.  I have memories of my Mother saying to me...just wait, wait until you have to do this...and it sounded totally ridiculous to me.  What on earth was she talking about?  I thought she was making a mountain out of a molehill.  She didn't say it to me often though, and looking back I can now see what a brilliant Mother she really was.  Considering the attitude and teenage drama that went along with my life, she coped with it all pretty seamlessly - her feathers very rarely getting ruffled.  It's now though that I can completely appreciate all that she was and it's now that I understand the wonderful gift that she gave me.  It's not something that you can give easily, and it's not something that comes second nature to a Mother, because we want to hold onto our babies so very tightly, but eventually we must loosen the hold.  My Mother gave me the freedom to be who I was, who I am, and who I will be.  She taught and guided me through my young life, until she felt the inevitable pull.  And then she let go...

I am struggling to let go.  I am still learning and I feel very young  - not worldly wise as I would have hoped.  As I imagined I would all those years ago. I feel as though I'm fumbling in the dark, and I worry that my children can see through the poised exterior.  That they sense me wavering at every turn or second guessing myself.  Every decision is agonised over, every scenario run through in my head a million times.  Did I do the right thing?  Is this best for my child?  What would you do?  What would my Mother do?  Then, each child has a different personality, a different take on life, added equations to the mix.  I worry that one day my children will tell me that I let them down, if only I'd been different, if only I had listened more, spent more time with them, been a better Mother.  I don't know if I want to see into the future and know if it all turns out OK in the end or not.  But I do try.  I try my best each day.  Whether my best is good enough or not yet, well we'll see..     

My son is almost 18.  An adult in his eyes, but not in mine.  I have loosened the hold so so much over the last year especially and I'm really just reaching out now, holding out my hand to him, so that he knows it's still there, so that he knows he can reach out and grab it whenever he needs it, but not so that I'm holding him back.  It's not easy.  One day I was holding onto this blond baby boy with a great big letterbox grin and eyes that would never leave my face for a second, and before I realise how or why, he's almost grown..  One day he'll see, just wait...he'll see what I mean. 

I want to be perfect, I want my kids to think I'm the perfect Mother and the hardest part of it all, is learning to accept that there is no such thing.  We are all capable of nothing more then our best.  I can't be that picture perfect image, with exactly the right thing to say at every given moment, the perfect house, the perfect clothes, the perfect smile.  But I can be true and honest and real.  I can be me and hope it's good enough, hope that my kids see that even if I'm not exactly what they want, I am doing my best.  I'm not perfect and it's OK, I think!

I am lucky in more ways that I can express.  I have such good kids, such sweet little people who I have made and who are growing up so fast.  Yes, they are infuriating.  Yes, they squabble. Yes, they can be irritating, annoying and self-centred at times...but, weren't we all.  They are good good little souls and even when I'm throwing up my arms in frustration, I see the good in them, shining through.  Always.  I LOVE my teens!  

Tara and Pops

Today is full of fun.  Poppys lovely bestie, Tara, is spending the whole day with us today and the girls are making the most of it.  They have already had the drawing out, playdough, dress up and watched a barbie movie together - how fun to be that small again...

pioneer Crescent Park Fun!

Our family photoshoot.  I had planned it all week, I'd briefed the kids, David, on the time I wanted to do it (ideally around 4.30pm) this Saturday.  I knew all the children would be here, nobody was going to be at work, playdates, sleepovers...and it was on!! However, as often happens when we plan things, in reality it was a little harder to achieve.  Eventually...we made it, and were miraculously at the park at the planned time.  It was all kind of rushed, light and appointments were looming, but we did get some sort of ok pictures and most amazing of all, and the reason for the shoot - I got all the kids together at the same time..